Imagine going on vacation to Hawaii and all you get to see is the pool area. While the pool area is quite nice, there is much more to Hawaii than just the pool outside of your hotel room. Knowing that there is much more to Hawaii than the pool area, your mind opens its scope to the mountains, waterfalls and sky. You even encourage yourself to venture out to areas you can’t see from your hotel room, because you know how great things could be.
Bring your widened scope with you into your relationship this week. This week, when issues arise that put you into an angry, frustrated, sad or upset state with your partner, go beyond the scope of just trying to prove a point or win a fight. Open your lens to seeing the entire relationship. By proving your point and/or saying things you don’t mean, you are jeopardizing great things that could be in the relationship that you don’t yet see. You also need to see the entire relationship, not just your view. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment and see what they are seeing at that moment.
Opening your scope when you are upset is not an easy task, especially when you “know” you are right. But, the reality is, when your focus is to prove a point, it is because you are only seeing the “pool” and not all of Hawaii.
Take a moment to retreat, rethink and react. Retreat from your position and walk away. Then, rethink about the situation and come at it from an angle you have never stood before. As you rethink, come up with different solutions to the problem—ones that are less “you” focused and more of taking the entire relationship, including the future, into consideration.
Now, react. Go back to your partner and mend the situation without anger and pointing fingers. Be sure to reflect on what you can do better, too. Also, avoid asking “why” questions to your partner. This puts them on the defense and feels like an attack. You can also talk about your feelings and how a situation made you feel—people can’t take away your feelings and how you felt in a situation. But, if you talk about your feelings, make sure that you also talk about how you think something made them feel and consider them as you discuss emotions. Last, end the conversation with a fair and compromised solution, and do not harp or ruminate on the situation for the rest of the week. Let it go and march forward to enjoy the rest of your relationship.