An Affair? Call Me Suspicious

an-affair

by Sheila Brennan~Last Saturday night, I was headed to a party around 6:45 pm when I saw a man walking his dog with a cell phone suspiciously held to his ear. He was having an animated conversation and seemed to be all smiles!

I immediately thought he must be having an affair! Is it me? So a guy on his phone on a Saturday night having an enthusiastic conversation could only be talking to a lover!

I considered other possible connections on the other end. And every time, I came to the same conclusion. Lover. You’re right, it might be his hilarious buddy. It was Saturday night that convinced me.

There are some definite signs that your spouse may be having an affair. Don’t jump to any conclusions quickly. But these are the five behaviors That are obvious:

  1. He suddenly has an interest in dog’s exercise. Your spouse has never been very interested in walking the dog but now he offers every night. When you ask if you can tag along, you recognize that face which means he’d rather if you didn’t.
  2. You can never find the cell phone. Like the remote control, it’s always missing – all the time. And you’re not sure where it is when she’s in the shower. If you do find the phone, the passcode has been changed from what you knew it to be. The cell phone becomes more important than any other possession.
  3. If you say anything about her behavior, she suggests you get over it and you’re going crazy, or you’re jealous, they’re just friends, it’s a work relationship, haven’t you ever heard of a “work husband”, etc. But deep down you know something is not right.
  4. He won’t plan a vacation with you because he says your relationship is too tenuous and that maybe you and the kids should go away for spring break, plan 4th of July with friends, rent a summer place for a week with your mother and sister, etc. You agree that your relationship has been on shaky ground for a while. So you go alone or with the kids.
  5. She starts to pick at you and now it’s obvious that you can’t do anything right. You can’t load the dishwasher, clear the table, pick up the dry cleaning, negotiate with your boss, hang your bath towel, without hearing about how you are purposely trying to upset her. You don’t care about her anymore or you would do things the right way. And there is a right way to hang your towel on the hook.

If you find your spouse exhibiting one or more of these behaviors, try not to get swept up in the chaos of an affair will wreck a home. Avoid fighting with your spouse if you’re able. Seek shelter preferably with a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. It isn’t easy to be honest about an affair but if you think your spouse may be having a relationship with someone, do your best to maintain your sanity while everything around you is swirling. You’ll be thankful you did.

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About Sheila Brennan

There are few events in one’s life that impact you financially, socially, emotionally and legally. Effective communication and negotiation skills are imperative to a good outcome. Sheila Brennan, Divorce Coach, serves as your guide and advocate through the divorce process. Take complete ownership - this is your divorce! www.brennandivorcecoach.com

3 thoughts on “An Affair? Call Me Suspicious

  1. Paula Susan

    This is a subject close to my heart. I know what it feels like to fear that your partner is betraying you and you can’t get a straight answer. I know how that feeling can make you believe you might be crazy.
    As a relationship specialist for so many decades and with my other specialty trauma – I believe both are descriptive of what affairs do to the individuals involved – all of them and to the relationship. I’ve watched little old ladies become crazed and take on the role of private detective. I’ve seen people collapse under the weight of their failing marriage. I could go on.
    What I want to say is that these relationships can and should be repaired before one walks away. The person who has the affair has violated his own moral code, lied and has broken a commitment made to his partner that shatters the world around them. So much could be said for what it does to their children – no matter how old..
    This horror is that too many people choose the route of divorce instead of really slowing down and taking the opportunity to look into themselves and the relationship they are ready to leave. It is a rich opportunity for deep healing of so many issues and an avenue to the connection that can be made with the right kind of therapy. Then, if they choose to leave each other and move on, they do so healthy and respectfully.
    Collaborative Divorce is one very different way of resolving marriages. Having briefly served as a divorce coach I know its many values. Mediation is another avenue to avoid the costly and disruptive and anger infusing method of ending a marriage. In many cases the old fashioned adversarial way is a way for lawyers to make a lot of money and keep the fires of hatred growing.
    I suggest people should slow down before they run either way. Then if you are going to leave your marriage, put some serious thought into the route you take.
    So I applaud you for the work you are doing. It is a painful path that doesn’t have to destroy the people going through it. It is also a path to ending in a healthy, self-respecting way. I’m glad you are out there doing what you do.

    Paula Susan

    Reply
    • Sheila Brennan

      I agree with your comments. Don’t make any immediate decisions that may get you caught up in the process if you’re not ready. Do homework on available options and programs. Divorce or recovery from an affair are challenging undertakings. Be sure you’re on the journey that’s best for you and your family. Consult with as many professionals as possible. Assume a strategic approach to healing regardless of the path you choose. Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Paula.

      Reply
  2. Cathy

    Sbeila has the ability to look objectively from the outside in. Her counsel to me was always spot on & invaluable.

    Reply

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