What’s Your Definition of Being Resilient?


So how resilient are you? A networking group had a roundtable conversation about resiliency. How do you know if you’re resilient? How do you develop and encourage resiliency in your kids? We went around and identified on a scale of 1-10 how each of us rated ourselves. Everyone confidently shared their scores, anywhere from 8-10. When it came to me, I said I would rate myself a 5. I don’t think I’m resilient. I don’t think I bounce back well. I don’t see tomorrow as “another day” when I’m going through a hard time. I forget about the things in my life that I’m grateful for. I might know that this is not the “end of my world” but I struggle to accept what I don’t like.

Everyone in the room who knows me disagreed with me. They assured me that I am resilient. They reminded me that I became a divorce coach after a terrible divorce. I help others to approach their divorce in a way that I didn’t for lack of a strategic planner of my own. So that’s why I MUST be resilient!

If resiliency is defined as taking a bad situation and turning it into something good, then I guess I am resilient. But I feel that people who profess to be totally resilient might also be hiding behind some of the emotions of life and especially change. There is considerable societal pressure to bounce back; encouragement to not look back, and to move on.

Sometimes the intensity of being hit by the “club” prevents you from moving on right then. Why put pressure on yourself to say “I’m fine” when in reality, you feel like shit. My vote is to embrace that shit and learn from it. Identify your role (if any) in the situation. See how you can avoid similar situations in the future. And sometimes, just commit to getting out of bed and smiling when possible that day. You don’t have to bounce back until you’re ready.

Embrace the journey, the pain, and then make a plan for tomorrow. And if you look back and decide that you are resilient, kudos to you!! Resilient means you moved on…and doesn’t everyone in time? Some quicker than others but there aren’t a lot of options either…life goes on.

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About Sheila Brennan

There are few events in one’s life that impact you financially, socially, emotionally and legally. Effective communication and negotiation skills are imperative to a good outcome. Sheila Brennan, Divorce Coach, serves as your guide and advocate through the divorce process. Take complete ownership - this is your divorce! www.brennandivorcecoach.com

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