Considering divorce is scary. It is also an opportunity to explore your own life and what you want.
How can you move past the fear, anger and frustration of an unsatisfying relationship and find happiness? Perhaps you feel like you are losing yourself in the struggle.
When the family experiences members with Special Needs, the tension can become even heavier. As I was raising my children, I often felt overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility I felt I had. I focused on the needs of my family and often neglected my own.
This often left me feeling drained and neglected. “Who is going to take care of me?” I thought. The fact of the matter is that we all must be responsible for caring for ourselves. This is hard to see when you feel stuck.
How did I care for myself? I pursued my passions. I brought my children to participate in the local synagogue theater group with me. I sing in a choir and do yoga. I pursued my career as a Certified Life Coach helping others coping with special needs.
I needed to understand what I could control in my life. What can you control in your life? Some people like to write down these thoughts. They often find that they can control more than they thought. I did.
What is out of your control? What can help you accept what you cannot control? Allowing ourselves to let go can free us from unending worry. At one time, worry consumed me. I learned that this unproductive emotion was spending my energy and not useful to anyone. It was annoying to my family, too!
I use breathing to let go of thoughts that do not serve me. Through practice, I do not feel the level of angst that I did in the past. I feel amazingly liberated!
Yoga and mediation have also been instrumental in achieving more harmony and balance in my daily thinking. Find a routine that works for you. Once you have found a good balance for yourself, reexamine how you feel about your relationships.
Recently, we celebrated my mom’s ninetieth birthday, and I chatted with a couple of Mom’s friends, an adorable eighty something couple. We talked about the longevity of their relationship. The wife said that early on in our marriage she asked her husband to list what he did not like about her and she would make a list about him. He could only name two things.
I said, “What do you love about one another?” The wife’s face lit up! She said, “I grew up with so much negativity…I never thought of that question.” She smiled.
Change is always possible. What might work to bring out the positive qualities in your spouse and you?
Recently, I wrote my husband a “proposal” for improved communication. It included things like “business meetings” so we could spend our meals talking about the fun things that interest us.
We are trying to turn off devices fifteen minutes before sleep. How about going back to the writing an occasional handwritten note to one another…that is a challenge!
What changes do you want to make in your own life right now? What proposal can you create, for yourself, your family and your marriage?
Create a goal and the steps and do it! Notice what gets in the way as you move forward.
The more intentional we are about creating change, the more likely we are to feel motivated to make it happen. Look for the good stuff and create more. Every day is a new opportunity to thrive.
Considering divorce or perhaps a new beginning?