So you have a set of circumstances with your spouse that do not please you. Does this mean a divorce is around the corner? You begin to express your displeasure, all the while finding evidence to back up your complaint. You may involve others by trying to get their support and reinforce the belief that your circumstances are difficult.
Are the circumstances going to change? Maybe,Maybe not. What chance do they have of changing, or of you feeling better if you expend your energy arguing against what is, staying in the realm of the problem and circling around in it? Wishing for things to be different? Resisting the change you may see coming?
It has been said, “Argue for your limitations and you get to keep them.” Limitations might take the form of your spouse or ex not behaving the way you’d like, finances being insufficient, people or custody schedules making demands on your time, or a change of circumstances that seem impossible. One thing rings true: You will see what you are looking for.
How can you work toward a solution or a better feeling place? First, accept what is. Actually, if you stop to think about it, happiness carries the ability to accept what happens next, especially if it doesn’t match your picture of the way things should be. Letting go of the past, not worrying about the future, not bemoaning “what if”, just being here now. Being here right now.
Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now says: “Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
Accept the whole situation as if you had chosen it! Wow! That’s a powerful place to stand, allowing you to move ahead much more quickly, with more energy and power than if you continue to engage in futility.
With acceptance, you close the gap between what is happening and what you think should be happening. You eliminate suffering for yourself, and most likely others. You stand stronger with a clearer mind.
Are you ready to feel better? Eliminate the judgments of good and bad. Eliminate arguing against reality. Accept the way people are. And move forward.