Does Your Love, Love Like You?


Does listening to love songs on the radio make you feel that you’re in love or would like being in love with someone?

For those who aren’t partnered and would like to be, the dreaminess of love songs offers the chance to design the perfect relationship system of your future.

For those who are partnered, this same dreaminess either confirms that you’re in the best possible relationship for who you are, or not.

Whether or not someone is in the type of relationship which is best for who they are, depends on knowing that everyone wants a particular type of relationship structure.

The relationship which to us feels perfect, is perfect because it is most compatible with our inner model of how a relationship is structured and functions.

Here are brief and simple descriptions of the most frequently presented relationship structures I’ve worked with in my couples’ therapy practice.

Relationship of Two Who are Merged As One
All thoughts, feelings, interactions, interest of life sectors, are almost jointly lived.
What one partner texts, emails, eats for lunch, is doing hour by hour, talks about with work colleagues, is expected to be shared with the other partner.

Privacy does not exist in this type of relationship. There is one entity known as “the relationship”, in which gradually the identities of each partner fade into the larger schema of “couple”.

Relationship of Respectful Harmony
Each partner is a trusted, respected, reliable friend to the other, who retains their significant involvement in other areas of life.

Communication and actions are based in the faith of each partner’s integrity in being loyal to the relationship and honest with one another.

There is zero expectation that either necessarily keep the other updated with their daily life activity.

Relationship Redux
Whatever way the partners interact with one another will be for the purpose of life learning from past relationship assumptions, ways, and habits.

What matters most about your particular relationship structure, is knowing it and finding out if your partner feels similar to you about this.

Valuing different relationship structures may explain a lot about any clashes between the two of you, as well as affirm the areas in which you are strong together.

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About Sherry Katz

Sherry Katz, LCSW is primarily a couples therapist who counsels partners and individuals of all adult ages, in relieving tension and unhappiness in their relationships. The spectrum of care in her practice includes recuperating from infidelity, clarifying and strengthening trust and communication, restoring and developing common ground for a relationship. Ms. Katz has a secondary practice interest in helping family members align themselves in response to caring for elderly parents, especially a parent who has Alzheimer's Disease.Old Stories, New Views Family Therapy

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