Feel Like You’re a Fake? Find Your Authentic Self

authentic self

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou

Ever feel like a fraud? Like you are just faking it? Really not that good at what you do, or not as important as you would have people think you are. You just don’t measure up?

You are not alone. Many successful students, business people, and even famous entertainers still feel unworthy, as if they are imposters that will be found out any time now.

It’s no wonder. We are ceaselessly exposed to outside influences that have us questioning our performance, appearance, relationships, parenting, and even food choices. From childhood and societal conditioning most of us have subconscious issues of not being “enough”.

How often do you :

  • Give yourself over to your family’s preferences, your friends’ opinions, influences from news, advertisers, and designers, or experts?
  • Say what others want to hear, or speak according to how you will be perceived by others?
  • Act in a way to gain someone’s favor?
  • Make a purchase for yourself with the opinion of others in mind?

When feeling confused, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, or judged, you lose your sweetness, your natural innocence, and begin to feel unloved or not good enough to be loved. Then all sorts of compensatory behaviors take place.

Who would we be without the personas we have developed and our repeated, safe behaviors? Let’s find out!

Let’s allow who we are supposed to be to fall away. Let’s become familiar with who we really are- familiar with ourselves at the core. What we all want is to be at ease, to be comfortable in our own skin.

One way I know to do this is through a practice of stillness. Calming the mind and becoming present has the great benefit of becoming wholehearted, meaning unconflicted. Creating a time when there is no dealing with opposing desires.

When we become familiar with the energy at our core, we gain the sureness of a peaceful center, and can return here quickly when we are thrown off center.  We recognize a feeling tone of peaceful happiness or joy that we experience as our true nature.

Being able to be present is a good first step. Discovering and believing your own story is next. Then expressing it makes you alive in the fullest sense.

Amy Cuddy, a Harvard professor and social psychologist says in her book, Presence, “Your authentic self-your boldest self-is not about psyching yourself up or saying, “I am the best at this task” or” I’m a winner.” Your boldest self emerges through the experience of having full access to your values, traits, and strengths and knowing you can autonomously and sincerely express them through your actions and interactions.”

An example of this is a client who attempted to redo her website to represent the abilities she was most capable of, for which she was not yet recognized. She struggled numerous times with results that her spouse summed up in a nutshell. “I can’t find you in there.”  She had been trying to “sell” herself to others and lost her authenticity in using all the “right” words that were meant to influence others.

Working together, we brought to light all that mattered most to her, all she valued, and how her life’s path led her to the current level of mastery she wished to describe. After this exploration to find her true gifts and purpose, her writing came alive with enthusiasm. Who she really is and the energy behind her work is now clearly portrayed on the new website. Further, she can now act in ways that allow her to be in her own skin with potential clients.

Through some stillness and getting in touch with your deepest values, you gain a whole and loving relationship with yourself. You stay in your own power and your light shines brightly.

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About Bev Borton

Bev Borton has spent decades helping people surpass what they only thought were their limits. Dedicated to self-development, she partners with people to transform their lives into the happier, more fulfilled versions they desire. With extensive training and years as a professional life and business coach, she guides her clients through a comfortable process of conversation and discovery that leads to their clear thinking, positive actions and sustainable results. What sets her apart is her ability to help clients develop their best inner energy and attitude for the ultimate success- one that is unique to each person.

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