There are so many people who come to therapy because they are very angry. They do not feel important, because they are not heard, their needs are not being met.
These are the men and women who are so angry and many times, in despair. For years their partner ignored the request for help. The warning signs that the relationship was moving towards disaster never occurred to them.
Accumulated anger at being discounted will sour any connection. Distance in the relationship becomes miles apart and, the aura of that anger will permeate.
When ignored or discounted, many men and women feel diminished, and seek or accept an extra marital relationship with someone who listens and makes them feel important.
Believe it or not, men are not always seeking the sex; they are seeking someone to care about their needs. They want to be heard too.
Women quickly fall for the sensitive man who listens. Sex is often in the mix as the relationship deepens.
When this happens with either, there may be a leaning towards leaving the relationship, knowing that someone is out there who might value them and respect their needs.
This is true for any kind of relationship issue that is not being resolved.
So take notice when your partner asks for help with the issues. Learn successful communication skills that lead to resolutions.
Disaster is ending a marriage when it could be enlivened and the family be saved from the horrors of divorce; and the opportunity to learn how to co-create a happy, fulfilling relationship.
Besides, you would probably have similar issues in the next relationship. We unconsciously choose the same patterns of behavior, and find the original connection was worth saving.
Avoid disaster in your relationship, listen and honor the needs of your partner.
