Living With Mom: Enjoying Mother’s Day with Your Elderly Mom

by Peter Mangiola~Mother’s Day means a lot of things to a lot of people; if your mother has recently passed away, it can be devastating. If your mother’s life is at risk from a disease or injury, it can be panic-inducing. If your mother recently moved in with you and you are adapting to a new life caring for your senior mom, Mother’s Day can be a cause for celebration and anxiety at the same time.

Celebrate

One of the best things you can do for your relationship with your mother is to celebrate it. This might sound obvious, but it is more subtle than you may think. It is easy to celebrate your mother; she’s done a lot for you over your lifetime, and being grateful for that is one of the more basic instincts that most children have.

However, celebrating the relationship means being able to acknowledge both directions. Being able to celebrate yourself and everything you have done for her as well as the other way around. So how do you distinguish between the two?

You do it in the way that you talk; it is one thing to talk about everything your mom means to you, but you will be doing her a favor if you reminisce instead. Think and talk not about the broad strokes. Instead, focus on the specific, small moments that you feel define and exemplify your relationship, both from today and from back in the day.

From her perspective, this is the difference between receiving praise and enjoying the relationship. Some people are good at receiving praise, but not many, and particularly not as we get older. But absolutely everyone gets warm fuzzies when they are able to remember and celebrate those small moments that show (rather than tell) them what they mean to their loved ones.

Anxiousness

At the same time, there is obviously a certain amount of anxiety that comes with adapting your life to living with your mother. You not only have someone else to feed, but you have someone with a lifetime of opinions and ideas that may be fairly separated from your own experience. And we all know that some moms have a tendency to be fairly vocal about these opinions.

Then there are all of the physical necessities; such as reworking your schedule, figuring out how to reallocate bathroom space, and so on. Taking on a new person in your home is always a big project, and mom is no exception.

The best way to tackle these concerns is head-on; sit down with your mother and have a serious talk with her about what her expectations are, and what yours are.

If you have children of your own, include them in the conversation as well. If your children are quite young, their opinion might not be as useful, but it is still worth seeking their input. Do not feel intimidated about planning; it is the number one tool at your disposal for avoiding tension and complications in the future.

When you get down to brass tacks, the essence of being able to enjoy Mother’s Day with your newly-moved-in elderly mom is about communication. Celebrate your relationship by reminiscing about the meaningful moments; talk through the future of your relationship by talking through your doubts and fears. If you spend this Mother’s Day exploring your relationship with her, you will find that living together throughout the next year (and beyond) will be much easier on both of you.