Consider these statements:
- Divorce is ultimately about personal transition, not the law.
- Life is more about growth than it is about safety.
- A moment of choice is a test of our character.
“Will I ever feel good again?” The answer is yes, if we abide what’s happening and deal with the fallout wisely. Successfully navigating through change requires acceptance that there will be small pain points along the way to face and admit. We have the choice of using a bit of courage to face a bit of pain in each step, or allowing pain to take control as one insulting, overwhelming mass, then letting things happen from there. Which sounds more manageable with the most promising outcome?
It’s Ok to feel anger and resentment, but not Ok to stay with them for the long run. We point easily to others to justify our own unhappiness, but can we listen without an excuse? We can set boundaries and ask that we be treated with respect. Then it’s fair that we “Do unto others as we would have them do unto us.” Blaming or accusing others indicates that perhaps we are not as aligned as we should be with our own conscience or principles.
One powerful way to gain perspective and courage when facing great change is to ask, “What matters most to me right now as a person?” “What do I value most in my relationships?” Is it my legacy as a father or in society? Is it respect and dignity? Peace of mind? Being my word? Freedom? Answering these questions with someone who is neutral and a professional is helpful in the midst of turmoil.
Determining and appreciating who you are at the core gives you positive strength and conviction. You can then say, “I am making this choice, because it supports my deepest value of ________.” Each step in the process taken in alignment with our core values, even though it may carry a bit of pain, can transform fear and avoidance and use it as a catalyst for a larger life of possibilities.
Building a new path for life begins during the divorce, not after. Remembering that growth is the urge of life, our choices made with care and integrity create confidence that we are stepping into our bigger, brighter, future vision of ourselves.