Are You No One’s Valentine?

lonely valentine

Have you been lamenting that you are no one’s Valentine this year? It happens to the best of us.
Some of us are in between relationships. Some are not feeling loved by their present dates. Some of us recently lost someone and are feeling lonely.

Perhaps you might think of going to a store, or shopping on line for a card to yourself. Choose it carefully and have it be exactly what you would like to be receiving.

Bring it home as a reminder of the kind of love you would like to be sharing. Then make a list of the most important qualities you would like to have in a partner.

Think about every aspect of your life and what matters most to you. Traits that sit high on your priority list, such as kindness, sense of humor, spirituality, sex appeal, interests such as music, the arts, bowling, movies…importance of family connections, children, ability to handle disappointment, anger, conflict, health issues and personal hygiene… You get the idea.

Now put them in order of importance and seek out places where you might meet people who have the qualities you are wanting. Believe me, and believe the couples you know who are not happy together – it is not just about the sexual high you feel in a new relationship. That will pass in time as real life and challenges get in the way.

You want to “fall in love” with someone who matches your values and is open to welcome who you are. Let the sex part come later as you see who the “real” person is. As Chris Rock says, “When you meet someone, you are meeting his representative.” Get to know the person and let the relationship grow into something healthy.

So, this Valentine’s Day, have a nice meal, and dream about someone worthwhile. Just to have a relationship is settling for mediocrity. Go for the good stuff even if it takes some time.

There will be other Valentine’s Days ahead. Let them be worth waiting for.

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About Paula Susan

Paula Susan, MSW, LCSW, Masters in Clinical Social Work & Psychology; specialist in Trauma and Relationships since 1982. In 1991, I integrated the powerfully transformative process of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Research demonstrates that it facilitates life-altering changes more efficiently and effectively than talk therapy alone. I teach skills such as communication and anxiety relief to improve connection with others. Over the decades, I’ve come to respect how much damage even small traumatic experiences inflict on our core beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. I consider it a privilege to help my clients understand and change what has undermined their happiness and their relationships. I do it with warmth, integrity, humor, and profound respect for those who care about the quality of this small piece of time we have on

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