Parents, We Are Growing Too!

parents-we-are-growing-too

by Jane Kramer~ As I moved slowly and sometimes achingly through the gentle yoga class, my mind wandered to all the ways I want to work on myself. Bring my thoughts back to the moment, I reminded myself again and again.

It had been a tough year and a half.  My dog passed, my Dad passed, my Mom who is in assisted living fell and recovered and my son is still recovering from concussions. I was dealing with health challenges as well, but at last I am back to yoga, working step by step to increase my strength, flexibility and frame of mind.

I am now blessed with the joy of a child becoming engaged to a wonderful man.  I will be the mother of the bride! I so wanted my Dad to share this.  His last years were tough but he always remained engaged with my life and the lives of family and friends.

He remarked that he felt like a baby, but he continued to give our family so much joy and love even as aides and the family cared for him. Dad, where is your wisdom and strength when I most need it? Even though Dad was ninety-three, it was so difficult to let him pass.  We were fortunate, he told us he was ready.

I am learning to let him go and appreciate that in my mid fifties, I feel better about trying to grow myself. The most challenging aspect of growth is giving myself the permission to try new experiences and releasing myself from the judgment of the outcome.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” My newest experience is planning a wedding. What is my role in this life passage, I wonder? Watching my daughter try on wedding gowns brought tears of joy and a flood of memories.

My precious preemie has grown up past her growth challenges and is working with her ADHD.  She is nurturing a mature love with a wonderful man. Yes, her life continues to have it obstacles, but she is blossoming and I have the opportunity to watch it unfold.

I know I must hold my thoughts to myself after years of trying to support her through challenges…and perhaps offering too much help at times. This, so far, seems to be the most difficult part of parenting.  Just listening is a skill my Dad mastered well.  I am working to meet his example.

I do remember how I felt when my husband’s career took us to far-away California for a few years before we had children.  It was a chance to be somewhere that I felt completely independent. I know my kids must feel the same way. Now, as I witness a new chapter in my daughter’s life, I feel excited to create a new chapter in mine as well.

Recently, while visiting my eighty nine year old mom, I sat with a group of her friends. We mused about parenting adult children.  One of Mom’s friends exclaimed that it was a relief to watch her daughter fly from the nest!  She found more time for herself. She made me think about all the avenues in my life that are yet unexplored.

I do yoga, study with my husband, sing in the choir, volunteer, cook, read and reach out to friends. It is my opportunity to give even more time and passion to helping others whose families are touched by ADHD.

Maybe I can travel more.  I yearn to play the piano again and take up crafts I have left behind. A friend recently asked me to rejoin the theater.  What roles might suit me, I wonder. I love spending time with my puppy, Millie.  Talking to her in a silly voice gives me so much joy. I help a neighbor who is ill…that reminds me to take account of how lucky I am right now.

The joy of self-discovery is the best gift imaginable.   Finding out who I am is certainly a lifetime process and it is wonderful!

 

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About Jane Kramer

Jane Kramer, CPC, ELI-MP – As a parent of 3 grown children, one of whom has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, my understanding of ADHD is both personal and professional. I pursued my Certification in Coaching with The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching and am experienced in coaching adults who are challenged by ADHD or live with loved ones with ADHD. I am passionate about my work and keep abreast of the latest information on coping successfully with the challenges of ADHD. If you want to live to your full potential, I will empower you to reach your goals. For more information, please contact me at [email protected]. The website is: www.addfocuscoaching.com

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