Staying Together for the Kid’s Sake? Dr. Dan Gottlieb’s Words of Wisdom

by Dr. Dan Gottlieb~
Many couples struggle with the decision to divorce or to stay together for the children.  Dr. Dan Gottlieb offers his advice on this very delicate and personal decision.  You will find that there is no one perfect answer but hopefully you will be able to gain some wisdom and insight by watching this interview between FamilyAffaire.com Expert Contributor, Dr. Dan Gottlieb and FamilyAffaire.com Publisher and Professional Family Mediator, Roseann Vanella.

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About Dan Gottlieb

Dr. Dan Gottlieb has been practicing psychology since 1969.Since 1985, Daniel Gottlieb has been hosting “Voices in the Family,” an award-winning mental health call-in radio show aired on WHYY 90.9 FM, Philadelphia’s local public radio station. He has also previously published a total of four books. His most recent, “The Wisdom of Sam: Observations on Life from an Uncommon Child,”. In it, Dan tells of some of the remarkable insights shared by his grandson Sam who is on the autism spectrum. All of his royalties are donated to children’s charities. Dan is also a contributor to the Dana & Christopher Reeves Foundation.

2 thoughts on “Staying Together for the Kid’s Sake? Dr. Dan Gottlieb’s Words of Wisdom

  1. Dr. Dan Gottlieb

    Hi Charles,
    before you begin working hard to prove something to someone, let’s try to understand what’s happening with your wife and then what’s happening with you.

    Here’s all we know about your wife so far; she is a woman who has never “felt” love in this marriage. Perhaps she has never felt it in her life. So before you work hard to fix something or do something to prove yourself, let’s try to understand what it must feel like to have been in a relationship and not feel loved. You see, trying to understand someone’s experience is a loving thing to do. Holding someone in their loneliness or fear or sadness without giving advice is an act of love. We guys are hardwired to do stuff for our spouses. But often the best thing we can do is listen and try to understand.

    And once that happens, the two of you could explore what you both could do in this relationship to make it safer for her to open her heart to your love.

    As far as you are concerned, my advice is this: love her better! Don’t be more verbal with your love or buy her more flowers (although that doesn’t hurt!). I want to to feel your love for this woman more deeply than you did yesterday. Next time you see her look deeply in her eyes and wonder what she is feeling this very moment. Look at the way she holds her shoulders when she is tense or happy or tired. Beware of how you feel when you see her and how grateful you might be for her presence in your life.

    All of these things are more meaningful to her and will help you open your heart.

    Reply

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