Succeed When Your Marriage Fails

marriage divorce

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

In a bad marriage couples build up anger, resentment and a sense of hopelessness.

After divorce, people often still carry these negative feelings into the next chapter of their lives.

There are actions you can take to ameliorate the pain of divorce and allow yourself to grow – embracing new exciting opportunities:

First Step – Mediate your Divorce: Mediation means you sit in a room with your soon-to-be-ex and work out all the terms of your divorce with a neutral mediator. Parties sometimes balk at the idea. Their first instinct might be to hire lawyers because they’re so angry and hurt that they don’t want to speak with each other.

However, once attorneys get involved, a divorce often takes years to settle. With mediation it takes months. In addition, a litigated divorce on average costs about ten times more than mediation! With every extra dollar of family money turned over to attorneys and every extra month your divorce drags through the courts, you and your spouse’s animosity grows.

When you and your partner sit down and discuss terms, if conflicts surface, your mediator is trained to help you communicate and reduce tensions. This is vital when you co-parent post-divorce.

Second Step – Discover who you are free of in a bad marriage: Concentrate on reconnecting to your earlier passions and interests. Look up old friends. Take that course at the YMCA or that trip to Vietnam you promised yourself long ago.

Third Step – Reevaluate family ties: Of course your kids are your first priority. Allow yourself to plan fun activities with your children and quality time together in new ways.

The Big “D” – Yes, in time, you’ll be ready to date: Reevaluate what you want in a partner at this stage of your life. Be picky but practical. Push the envelope. You might have thought on-line dating was never for you. But speak to friends who have successfully met new partners this way (there are millions)! Find out how they went about it.

Even though your marriage came to an end, recast life by embracing your next chapter. Recognize that you are now empowered to take advantage and appreciate new opportunities coming into your life.

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About Joanne Naiman

A principal of Reasonable Divorce Resolutions, Joanne is a certified divorce mediator and has been a practicing attorney for over 20 years. She writes on divorce for national audiences. Joanne won a Clarion Award for Excellence in News Reporting for The National Law Journal article: “The Deadly Practice of Divorce.” She also contributes as a blogger on divorce mediation for The Huffington Post. In addition to her RDR divorce mediation practice, Joanne serves on the New York City Family Court Custody Mediation Panel.

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