Trust After Relationship Deception

divorce shame

It is possible to love someone, believe you are being loved in return, and either gradually or suddenly be handed the surprise of lies, broken promises, verbal aggression, or financial fraud by your supposed beloved.

After such a situation how does someone regain their willingness to love again?

Sometimes people are innocently blind sighted and their sincere love is met with their partner’s deception from nowhere.

Often what appears as simply being blind sighted results from hiding truth from oneself about what you want and are willing to tolerate in a relationship.

Second and also based on willingness to be truthful with yourself, is to trust your own instinct whether or not you are hearing truth from your partner.

People aren’t always aware and sometimes don’t want to be fully aware, of why they want to be with someone.

If I’ve been lonely for a partner or I’d like financial stability, I may start a relationship in order to avoid loneliness or exclusively for the earning capacity of someone of instead of for love of this person.

I may or may not be truthful with myself as to the relationship foundation I’m willing to accept.

Once a relationship pattern gets established it is easier to continue it than not.

If I choose a partner based on factors besides my willingness to love someone, there is an increased risk the person will give back something other than love.
Sometimes what this partner gives back is deception.

If I would like to be with someone for reasons other than to love them, and this is not clearly stated and agreed upon by both partners, then I need to accept the truth that if I say I want love while in fact want the appearance to not be lonely, or to find financial stability someone gives me, then I can’t be surprised that my self-deception was matched by another person’s deception to me.

Love when you are willing, and not before.

This increases the likelihood your love will be reciprocated, and not taken advantage of by the other.

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About Sherry Katz

Sherry Katz, LCSW is primarily a couples therapist who counsels partners and individuals of all adult ages, in relieving tension and unhappiness in their relationships. The spectrum of care in her practice includes recuperating from infidelity, clarifying and strengthening trust and communication, restoring and developing common ground for a relationship. Ms. Katz has a secondary practice interest in helping family members align themselves in response to caring for elderly parents, especially a parent who has Alzheimer's Disease.Old Stories, New Views Family Therapy

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